Accepting His Home Read online

  It hit me that she would have no fucking idea how much she means to me because I’ve never shown her. On top of that I’ve always denied her the chance for her to show me how much I mean to her. I’ve been stifling myself and, worse because I love her, I’ve been stifling her. That realization was like a punch to the gut.

  I realized that Amelia and Beckett were stronger because they loved each other and decided to risk the pain and the potential loss for even a moment of touching the glory that is loving the person you’re meant to be with. The other part of your soul. They fit each other and nothing, not even a psychotic ex, can change that. That’s how I knew that everything would work out, even though the possibility of Amelia getting hurt scared the shit out of me.

  I laid in bed and thought about how I wanted to be stronger too. I didn’t want to be paralyzed by my past and the fear that was lodged in those memories anymore. I hadn’t let myself move on. While I wasn’t sure I could ever forgive myself for what I did, I do owe it to myself to move forward.

  It was like part of me was still stuck on the streets, punishing myself. Beckett offered me a hand all those years ago and that got my body off the street. I went to sleep last night hoping that if I bared my soul, as dark as it is, that maybe I’d be lucky enough for Olivia to offer me a hand so that I could get my soul off the streets too.

  That’s why I decided not to hide from my feelings for Liv today and to not fight my natural instincts when it came to her; I’d embrace them. As I did, I felt lighter than I had in years. I was determined to keep Olivia safe and do anything in my power to keep Amelia safe as well. Still, I knew Amelia would have plenty of help in that department.

  It was also hot as shit how Olivia obeyed my commands and it awakened something primal inside of me. That is, until she didn’t and got in that prick’s face that was staging one of the fights. Seeing her seething with rage was sexy as fuck, but my heart was pounding in my chest the closer she got to him.

  Once those flash mob assholes were cleared out of the main bar area, not knowing what was going on and if Amelia was okay was really fucking hard. I was so worried for her and I was worried for our family. My mind was racing with all the possibilities and outcomes.

  Everyone loves Amelia so much and if anything happened or if she were injured it would be a blow to all of us. Beckett would spiral if anything happened to her; we’d have to be strong for him. I didn’t need to know how it felt to lose someone you love to know that.

  Since I did know, I knew that he’d go off the rails. It would be even worse than what I went through because Amelia was the other piece of his soul. I thought I knew what love was back then, but that love had nothing on what Amelia and Beckett have or the way I feel about Liv.

  I couldn’t keep my hands to myself while we were waiting to find out what the hell was going on. I needed to feel her skin under my fingertips. I needed to smell her honey and cinnamon scent because it’s like coming home when I do. I wasn’t going to apologize for it. I sure as hell wasn’t going to run away from it. Not anymore.

  She didn’t run away from me when I squeezed her ass and told her she hadn’t been a good girl. I almost came in my pants when she sassed me about it. I hope she knows I’ll be spanking her ass for that. Soon.

  The fact that I could calm her down and ground her with my touch made me feel like a fucking caveman. The way she relaxed into me when I tugged on her hair made my dick throb. I may have never had sex before, but I’ve had a lot of time to fantasize and for the last two years all my fantasies have been about Olivia. I crave her submission and she seems willing to give it to me; I’ll fucking cherish it.

  After talking with the cops and giving them our information if they needed to reach out to us again, I couldn’t wait to get Olivia home. I ask Duncan how long it will be before Beckett and Amelia will be able to leave; he let me know it would probably be a few hours. Perfect. Well, not for them but for me.

  I buckle Olivia in the front seat of my car again and it feels like I can finally breathe a little easier. She is safe. I kiss her forehead and her smile is shy and slightly confused. Yeah, I get that.

  When I stop at her apartment, she looks at me and I can see her starting to get frustrated and angry. She huffs, “My car is at the shop, you know? If you want me to drive myself to Beckett and Amelia’s, you need to take me there.”

  I smile at her and I watch her confusion grow. I reach out and cup her face. “No, little fairy, that’s not what I want. I want you to go up and pack a bag because you’re staying with me tonight.” In my head I add, and every night.

  Olivia furrows her brow, “A bag?”

  I nod, “Yes, Olivia, a bag with clothes and a toothbrush and whatever else you need to spend the night at my house.” I arch an eyebrow and smirk, “Do you need my help doing that?”

  Olivia shakes her head vigorously and that makes me wonder if there was something in her apartment she doesn’t want me to see. I grin and turn the car off; Olivia’s eyes widen. I hop out and go around to her side. When I open the door, she gets out hesitantly.

  She whispers, “You don’t need to come up, Zeke.”

  I pull her to me by her hips, “I do, little fairy. I don’t think I can take my eyes off you right now.” I rest my forehead against hers, “I need to see you to make sure you’re safe. It’s hard to shake off the fear.”

  She sighs heavily and runs her fingers down my neck, “Okay, Babe.” She swallows hard, “Just know you may…” She trails off so I squeeze her hip. She shakes her head, “Nothing, you’ll see.”

  She entwines our fingers this time to lead us up to her apartment and it feels so fucking good. I’ve been in her apartment a few times before and have no idea what she could possibly be nervous about, but the way she cuts her eyes at me and nibbles on her bottom lip tells me she is. I squeeze her fingers as she unlocks the door and then takes a deep breath.

  When she opens the door and ushers me in, I notice that half of her living room is being used as a studio space. I know Olivia paints, but I’ve never seen any of her work since she always put it away when I came over to her apartment before. In the middle of her studio space is an easel with a canvas.

  Staring back at me is…me. I can’t tear my eyes away from it. Not just because she is painting me, but because I had no idea she paints using a realist style. I glance over at her and she is wringing her hands. I look back at the painting and let it sink in that she is painting me and her talent. Not only has she captured me perfectly, my grey eyes holding a deep sadness, but she has also captured how she feels about me. I can see the love right there on the canvas.

  I turn to her and she won’t meet my eyes. I take two strides and pull her into my body, wrapping arms around her. Fuck, it feels so good to have her in my arms. I never want to let go. Her face is buried in my chest and I can feel the anxiety coming off her.

  I pull back just a fraction and capture her chin between my thumb and forefinger, raising her face to look at me. “You painted me.” She nods and cuts her eyes away from me. “It’s beautiful, Livy.” Her eyes snap back to me and I grin. “You’re beautiful,” I glance back at the painting, “and so fucking talented.”

  She shrugs her shoulders, but I’m not going to let her brush this off. My voice is firm, “Don’t do that Olivia. Don’t shrug this off. Your painting is amazing. Do you always paint in this style?”

  She gives me a soft smile, “Yeah, when I paint, I prefer realism.” She gnaws on her lip, “Well, sometimes it’s hyperrealism and photorealism.” She shrugs, “I don’t know, it’s not like I went to art school or anything.”

  I chuckle, “Neither did I. It wasn’t even something I thought about doing.” Her eyes light up at that little kernel about my past and I sigh internally, I’ve been such an ass. I cup her face in both my hands, “Why do you hide this, little fairy?”

  She blushes slightly and shrugs one shoulder, “I don’t know. I’ve never really had much criticism when it comes to my art. People wh
o like my tattoos book with me and if they don’t, I never know about it. If I put this out there, I open myself up to rejection and criticism.”

  I smile warmly down at her, “No one would reject this, Liv. It’s amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Her brows knit together, and she looks like she is going to reject the compliment; I can’t have that. I tighten my hold on her slightly, “I’m serious. You not only captured me, but you captured you in it too.”

  She glances over at the painting and bites her lip like she doesn’t want me to see that much of her in her work. Her voice is small, “What do you mean?”

  Her eyes search mine and there’s a challenge there. If she thinks I am going to back down, she is sorely mistaken. I kiss her forehead, “I mean I can see how you feel about me in this painting just as much as I see myself.”

  She whispers, “You can?”

  I nod and then I do something I’ve wanted to do for more than two years, ever since the first moment I saw her. I tilt her head back slightly and then bring my lips down to hers. Her lips are hesitant against mine, but so fucking soft that it makes my already hard cock twitch. I run my tongue along her bottom lip, asking for her to open to me and knowing that I am asking for more than just her mouth to open. I want all of her to open to me, hoping I’ve earned that.

  Her mouth opens slowly, but I waste no time plunging my tongue in and teasing it against hers. She melts against me and wraps her arms around my waist. It feels like a victory and inside my head I am beating my chest. Our tongues dance together as I explore her sweet mouth; she’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. I am instantly addicted.

  When we break apart, we are both panting. Olivia’s eyes are wide and round as she looks up at me. They are glazed over, but I can see the confusion underneath her lust and desire. I kiss her nose, her chin, her forehead. I know we need to have a conversation about us, but I want to do it in my house because I know it will be our home going forward.

  She closes her eyes and when she opens them, I can see the fear there. “What are we doing here Zeke?”

  I kiss her lips softly and gently, “I’m done hiding from the way I feel about you, little fairy. I’m so sorry I hurt you by doing it for so long.” I can see the hope starting to grow in her eyes. “Go pack a bag, Livy. I want to get you home so we can talk about this.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up and she looks around the room, “I am home, Zeke.”

  I smirk at her and she rolls her eyes. “No, little fairy. You’re not. You know it, I know it. This may be your apartment, but we both know where your home is. Don’t we?”

  Her face lights up in a huge smile and it takes my breath away. “Yeah, Babe, I guess we do.”

  I run my hands from her cheeks, down her neck and over her shoulders. She shivers at my touch and my still hard cock strains against my jeans. Fuck, I have to get myself under control because we have things to talk about before my cock can take over.

  I turn her toward her bedroom by her shoulders, lean down and whisper in her ear, my tone full of command. “Go pack a bag, Olivia.”

  She nods and seems to float down the hallway. I turn and look at the painting on the easel. I notice racks along the far wall full of canvases. I wonder if those are all her finished paintings and exactly how many of them are of me. What else has she used as subject for her paintings? How can I support her and help give her confidence in her work?

  When she comes out of her bedroom a few minutes later with a bag thrown over her shoulder she looks nervously at the racks along the wall. I hold my hands up, “I wouldn’t go through them without your permission Olivia. I hope one day you’ll show me, but that has to be your choice.”

  Her eyes flash with something between guilt and recognition; maybe both. She nods, “Yeah. Okay.” Her big sea blue eyes search mine and I feel myself falling deeper in love with her. She whispers, “Just like it has to be your choice to share your past with me.”

  My lips form a small, soft smile and I kiss Olivia’s forehead. “Exactly, little fairy.” I bury my face in the crook of her neck and breathe in her scent. I kiss her neck and murmur against her skin, “I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to do it before now, but I promise that I’ll tell you everything once we get home.”

  When I pull back and look down at her, her eyes are glistening with unshed tears. She gives me a watery smile full of hope and affection. “Okay, Babe. Let’s go.” She winks at me, “We don’t have much time. I don’t want to miss being there for when Amelia gets home.”

  She peels away from me and starts toward her door. I smack her ass and her throaty laugh fills my heart. My voice is gruff, “Are you trying to rush me, woman?”

  She giggles and damn, my cock twitches again. Olivia shrugs, “If we aren’t there when Amelia and Beckett get home then everyone is going to start making up the most embarrassing stories about us and what we’re doing.”

  I slide past her at the doorway and let my hand trail over her hip. “Hopefully they won’t be too far off.”

  Her sharp intake of breath makes me chuckle and I have to fight the urge to press her up against the wall and make her mine right now. I resist, but fuck, it isn’t easy. I take the bag off her shoulder as she locks up her apartment. I entwine our fingers as I lead her back down to my car. I get her settled in the passenger seat before I slide her bag in the back seat. I tuck myself behind the wheel and take a deep breath before taking her hand in mine and heading home.

  CHAPTER 12

  ZEKE

  I was expecting the drive home to be oppressive and full of worry over what I was about to reveal to Olivia. It isn’t and I find that comforting. I don’t know why or when it changed, but I trust Liv with my secret. I also know that after I share my past with Olivia that I owe it to the rest of our family as well. That doesn’t fill me with the same fear it did six weeks ago.

  Huh. Maybe I am finding a way to forgive myself for what I did. I would have never thought that was possible before. Seeing how Amelia had to forgive herself and let go of her guilt and shame to let all of us in showed me that not only is it possible, but it is necessary if you want to grow and accept love. Thankfully, Beckett appreciated it and her, or I’d be forced to kick his ass.

  I check my phone for any messages as I usher Olivia into the house, her bag slung over my shoulder. As much as I hate that Amelia and Beckett must still be dealing with the cops, I’m glad that I still have time before they head home.

  I tuck some strands of Olivia’s hair behind her ear, “Make yourself at home, little fairy. I’m going to put your bag down. Do you want anything to drink?”

  Olivia looks up at me nervously, “No, I’m good, Zeke. Thank you.”

  I grin down at her, “Don’t thank me for taking care of you Livy, I should have been doing a better job of it since the moment we met.”

  Her breath hitches and her eyes widen at my admission. I have to fight the urge to pull her into my arms and settle for kissing her temple before heading down the hallway toward the bedrooms. I wonder if she thinks that I’m putting her bag in the guest room, the one she’s stayed in so many times before. I’m not though, I slide it into my room and hurry back down the hall to the living room.

  Oliva’s perched on the edge of the couch like she’s not sure if she wants to settle in completely or if she wants to make a run for it. I bolster my courage because I really hope she doesn’t run. The couches at the shop are so comfortable that I got the same set when I moved in here, but mine are a dark navy that look at home in the dove grey living room.

  Honestly, I have a way to go when it comes to decorating my house. I think part of me has always been a little afraid that I’d have to leave this life behind at some point and it’s caused me not to commit to a lot of things. Decorating the house being the least of them. I hope that Olivia will help me make this into a home; for both of us. First though, I have to come clean.

  I sit down next to Olivia and take her hand in mine. She looks up at me and her ey
es are a churning sea of emotion. Fuck. I hope I’m right about her. I take a deep breath and give her fingers a squeeze. Her face softens; I wonder what she sees in my eyes.

  Her voice is strong and sure, “If you don’t want to do this, Zeke, it’s okay. You don’t have to. There’s no rush.” She bites her lip, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I shake my head, “No, little fairy. You’ve waited long enough. I shouldn’t have let you wait at all and I’m sorry that I wasn’t stronger sooner.” She gives me a hopeful smile and my fingers a little squeeze. “Before I tell you about my past, I want you to know that I knew the moment I saw you that you were my other half.” I watch her eyes and the love that fills them. “I just was afraid of it because I didn’t think that I deserved you. I’m still not sure I do.”

  She cups my cheek and I lean into her touch. “Zeke, you deserve love. You deserve to be here with me, with our family.”

  She lets her hand drop to her lap and I clear my throat, “Let’s reserve that declaration until I tell you what I did.” She nods and I look at the ottoman in front of me. “I grew up a few states away, at the base of some mountains. My family had a cabin that we used every summer. I had a normal family, the whole nuclear thing.” She gives my fingers a little squeeze and I close my eyes. “My childhood was ordinary. I was ordinary; except I found out pretty early that I had some artistic talent. My parents were really cool about it, encouraging.” I shrug, “They also always never let me forget that art might not be something I could make a career out of and pushed me to make sure my grades were solid too.”

  I clear my throat, again, “It made sense, you know? For the most part, school came easily for me. I was accepted to college in New England. It was a liberal arts school, but it had a decent fine arts program too. Everything was on track.” I shake my head and hope for the best, “I thought I was in love. She was literally the girl next door.”

  Olivia tenses slightly and I force myself to open my eyes and look at her. I can see the hurt in her eyes, but also curiosity. “Knowing what I know now, I wasn’t really supposed to be with her. It was easy being with her. I grew up in a small town, we grew up together and were friends. Our moms were best friends and it just seemed like as we grew up that we were supposed to be together. Looking back, we wouldn’t have made it. At the time, though, I thought it was timeless love.”